Story 10: When Life Forced Me to Begin Again
Hitting rock-bottom was a wake-up call. The irony was that the more broke I became, the more depressed I became and the more depressed I became the less I felt like opening myself up to a job.
But hitting the lowest point in my life made me realise that I had no choice. I had to start somewhere. I needed to do everything in my power to get an income, which wasn’t easy, because the pandemic created so many restrictions. On top of that, foreigners weren’t allowed to do jobs that were reserved for Thai locals, which included being a “Masseuse” or a “Waitress” — both jobs in which I was well versed in. Luckily, a friend of a friend, who used to be a teacher at a renowned Yoga school, informed me that the school now opened an online studio during the pandemic. He put me in touch with the marketing manager who sent me application forms.
I applied and got the job! There was light at the end of the tunnel! I was excited but at the same time, extremely self-conscious because I didn’t feel ready — on any level — to be in front of a camera. Physically, emotionally and mentally I was not stable or healthy. I scraped together all my courage and energy to show up that first day and gave it my best shot. Over the following weeks, I created my first online Yoga course called “Inspired Inversions”.
It might not have looked like it on camera, but that was by far one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Imagine feeling like hell and now you have to show up in front of a camera, perform and put on a smile. It would have been much easier to simply stick my head in the sand.
The school had a professional set-up: a beautiful studio with an ocean view in the background, lights, camera and a professional crew. I remembered crying until 10 minutes before the class, wiping my tears, checking my make-up and taking a big breath before showing up. For the first 2-3 recordings, I continued crying again after we were done shooting too.
But somewhere along the way, something started to shift.
I think the Yoga itself began to lift my mood. So did the positive feedback from the crew and the marketing manager. Slowly, I started feeling like I had a purpose again. Like I was good at something. Like I was valued. And, thank God, I was getting paid.
I moved into my own apartment. What a relief. The feeling of clean sheets, hot water and access to an aircon was indescribable. I felt human again. I stayed there for almost 1 year — into the start of 2022.
I kept hustling and ended up becoming an assistant to a tennis coach from the UK. James. He gave tennis classes to kids and adults as well as PE to children in primary school. I enjoyed working with the kids. They brought a sense of lightness and playfulness back into my life. I needed that.
James was a really good coach, and I loved watching the games he created for the kids. There was something about being around their energy that reminded me that life could still be fun.
I think I was only a couple of weeks into this second job when my life took another drastic turn. I was driving my scooter when a car suddenly swerved in front of me, forcing me to slam on the brakes. Unfortunately, there was sand on the road. My tyres lost traction and I crashed.
I ended up in hospital...
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