Story 9: From Flying High In Acro Yoga To Rock Bottom In A Swampy Shack

I left Cambodia for Koh Samui to meet my brother. Together, we traveled to Koh Phangan. At the time, he had an online job and I had zero income. But I befriended the owner and staff at a Jungle Gym situated on a mountain amidst the dense, lush palm trees. They prided themselves in their unique approach to movement: a combination of organic functional movements, inspired by an animalistic style. They also offered other classes like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Calisthenics. I participated in all of it and they offered me the opportunity to work there. It was right up my alley!

Jungle Gym in Koh Phangan

I met the most amazing people at this gym. They came from all corners of the world: Russia, Belarus, Germany, Canada, Italy, UK, South America... I learnt a lot and I was honored to be given the opportunity to be one of their teachers too: their movement menu now included Deep Stretch & Mobility classes. One of the people I met there is still a very close friend of mine: Mina. She was a BJJ practitioner and her love for rolling and laughing was contagious. She was the reason I joined BJJ in the first place.

My Deep Stretch & Mobility Classes

After 3 months of working there, we got the news about the pandemic. We didn't shut down immediately. It happened incrementally, until eventually we realised there was no point in continuing. On the one hand I was relieved, because — again — I needed the rest, but on the other hand I needed the income. At the time, I was sharing a bungalow with a Russian girl. Not long after the pandemic forced a shut-down, Mina moved in 2 bungalows down from mine. We spent our time together cooking, star-gazing and studying Human Design — a self-knowledge system created in 1987 that acts as an energetic map for how your body makes decisions and moves through life. These meetings kept me emotionally nourished and intellectually stimulated. Today, this modality is one of the cornerstones of knowledge that I use inside my individual and group self-development programs.

Just before travel restrictions started to get more rigid, Mina returned home to Germany. I never considered going back to Namibia. I knew I was meant to be in Thailand, even if it might not turn out to be as comfortable as I expected. For the rest of 2020, my mental health took a deep dive. I managed to secure a couple of private clients for massages and private yoga, but it just helped kept my head above water. I never understood how much of my value and self-worth depended on how much money I made, until that year. I felt like a failure in every area of my life and most days depression got the better of me. Two crucial experiences kept me from totally giving up on life that year: 1. My brother's support and belief in me. 2. A psychic reading by a famous woman in South Africa: Marietta Theunissen. Looking back, everything she told me back in May 2020 has played out exactly like she predicted. The only factor I didn't take into consideration that caused some confusion for me, is the timing. But I prefer it this way: I know what will happen, but not knowing when still keeps it a surprise.

My BJJ and Human Design buddy: Mina

I do want to emphasize that depression is real and not something to be taken lightly. I don't think many people realised just how badly I was struggling on the inside, because I did manage to join Acro Yoga on Zen Beach and in those moments I felt truly alive. But the moments in-between weighed heavy on me. I had no sense of direction or purpose. That was the most difficult. And although it didn't happen often, I did experience days where I thought that ending my life would be easier than continuing. Another solid practice I started committing myself to wholeheartedly, was Kundalini Yoga. This was my main practice that I kept up daily for 6 years and helped me build resilience mentally, emotionally and physically.

Acro Yoga on Zen Beach

Over the years, I started to realise I would have to make it my career to contribute to society in some way if I want to avoid the dark cloud of depression. Not contributing and not seeing my work changing people's lives for the better, is not an option for me. By the end of 2020 I started to slowly gain inspiration and drive again as I picked up some English students on an online teaching platform. I also connected to a solid Acro Yoga community. Even though, at times, we were not supposed to meet up in big groups, the island was quite isolated, so we weren't as compliant to the rules as the rest of the world. But the reality of not having a solid income really affected me. I ended up needing to live in a dilapidated shack in someone's back yard just to have a roof over my head. I had no hot water, and the wind would blow through the wooden cracks of that dark, 4-square-metre room. Never in my life did I imagine I would up there.

In my next blog post I will share how I managed to lift myself out of the desolate murky swamps of my inner and outer world...

Koh Phangan, Thailand