Story 7: I Went Looking For Love But Found Community
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- 4 min read
I was so relieved when the airplane touched down in Chiang Mai after returning from the holiday island: Mnemba. Finally, I am on holiday! I'd been feeling the onset of burnout long before I left for Mnemba. Now, after my 2.5 month stint, I had definitely pushed myself far beyond exhaustion. I remember booking myself into a small little apartment because all I needed was a bed. I slept for 48 hours straight.
Over the next few days, I spent my time exploring Old Town — the city center of Chiang Mai. I attended yoga classes, booked massages and ate lots of fresh food to get my digestion back on track. This was the second city I've visited in my life that felt eerily familiar — as if I've lived there in a previous life. Chiang Mai's energy felt warm, peaceful, restorative and like "home". After a couple of days, my "fun friend" from Mnemba joined me and we explored the food markets, famous temples and night life. Walking through those temples, I felt something inside me settle. It was as though my soul had finally returned home.
Ironically, the most memorable part of Hard Rock Café wasn't the food — it was the spectacularly terrible band.
Our next stop was Koh Samui — one of 3 small islands in the south side of the Gulf of Thailand. We enjoyed the fresh coconuts and a relaxing day beach party at Nikki Beach. After 3 days in Koh Samui, she followed me to Koh Phangan — the island where I planned to stay.
What I learnt after living on Koh Phangan for nearly 5 years, is that you want to stay clear of the south side of the island during full moon. It's crowded with young, drunk foreigners who try to drive a scooter for the first time because every month, the locals make their money by selling passes to this huge beach festival: The Full Moon Party. My friend longed to experience it so I agreed to join her on our very first night on the island. It was absolute madness. People danced barefoot through the surf with neon paint covering their bodies while fire dancers performed just metres away. Luckily, I don't drink so I silently watched how people threw themselves into the waves and then came out tripping and dancing to the music pumping from the glow-in-the-dark speakers on the beach — amongst thousands of other high-spirited hippies. I vowed to myself that for as long as I live on this island, I will never return to one of these parties. I kept my vow.
Some days later, she returned home to South Africa and I suddenly found myself alone on an unfamiliar island with only one person that I vaguely knew: the guy I fell in love with. We met a couple of times and I even travelled to Bangkok with him once but I soon came to the realization that we had very different expectations from a relationship. We would either spend our days swimming beneath waterfalls and hiking through the jungle, while he showered me with affection and care, or argue and cut contact for several weeks at a time because he's extending the same care for other girls. Phew. That was a hard pill to swallow.
In hindsight, I realised these kinds of relationships were what I was familiar with. All my previous relationships were filled with chaos and emotional rollercoasters, so of course, I would attract another one just the same. It's only now that I've come a long way in healing my inner wounds and conditioning that I have come to understand what a healthy, stable relationship looks and feels like. I also didn't speak to my dad for 2 years because I was seeing someone of a different race. Be that as it may, I don't regret any of it. I soon realised that this guy was simply the bait that got me to move to the island in the first place.
Sometimes people enter our lives not because they're meant to stay, but because they're meant to change our direction. Had we never met, I probably never would have moved to Koh Phangan. And if I hadn't moved, I wouldn't have met the people who eventually became my chosen family. He was a pawn in my chess game. And I moved on to meet people from all walks of life... some of whom have become my closest friends.
Although the relationship wasn't what I'd hoped for, the island gave me something even more valuable: community.
I was scrolling on the Koh Phangan Conscious Community Facebook page when I came across an invitation from a girl named Kirsten to meet at Zen Beach and practice Acro Yoga. I responded and that evening I made 4 new friends: Emma, Yuvi, Kirsten and Andrew (whom I nicknamed Cuzco because he reminds me of this character from the animation "The Emperor's New Groove"). We became such good friends that after about a month of hanging out, we decided to travel to Cambodia together. We planned a 3-week trip and set off!
If you thought Koh Phangan is for hippies, wait 'til you see Cambodia!
More adventures are waiting in my next story...
