Finding Peace In Surrender

For years I've had a strong drive that made me compromise my peace in order to get to "the destination where everything is the way (I think) it should be". But that's not how life works. The more I say: "I'm definitely going to..." or "I will never ever...", the Universe proves me wrong, because, "well, if you haven't noticed by now, Kirstin, you aren't in control of the big decisions of your life." So, relax. Enjoy it. Just the way it is now. Because in 10 years' time, this will become "the good old days".

Spitzkoppe, Namibia

People still ask me: "When will you travel again? When will you go back to Thailand? How long will you be in Namibia for?" The answer is this: I will travel again, I will go back to Thailand and I will also be in Namibia for some time still, but "how" and "when" these events will play out is as much of a mystery to me as the answer to how long I will live. If you knew the answer, let me know. No wait... I don't want to know. It keeps me on my toes.

You might say: "But you still have free will." In my experience, the more I tune in, the less free will I seem to have — at least in the way most people understand it. The more I listen to the Universe's whispers, the more the path reveals itself. When I choose truth, I no longer need to choose at all - the way chooses me. In my opinion, free will is only available when you make decisions based on your ego's conditioning. In my experience, most conditioning comes from cultural expectations, the way we were raised and what we inherited through our genes. We make decisions based on what everyone else expects from us and how we were taught things "should be". But breaking away from that bit-by-bit is exactly where I've found true freedom. Tuning in to what I want for me started with not giving a damn what other people want for me, or even, think of me. How does that saying go? "What other people think of you is none of your business."

My intuition is so strong that if I were to resist the guidance that is coming through, I will surely suffer a tough life. The way of the heart is the way of least resistance. If it doesn't flow, it's either because I'm trying to force things OR I'm resisting what is. I've learnt that the sooner I surrender, the sooner I stop suffering and the quicker I can connect back to my zen.

The more I surrender, the more I let go,

The less I stress and the more I know.

Don't force things into existence... Just let it unfold.

Don't prove yourself to anyone... What will happen if you withhold?

Wait for the invitation to feel that the connection is right.

Put down your sword when someone shows up ready to fight.

If someone has held my hand for years and one day they leave,

I let them.

If I have done all I could from my side and things still fall apart,

I let it.

I am at peace with the way things are as it is.

We are deeply conditioned to compare, judge and compete

but what will happen if I choose, instead, to cooperate, collaborate and connect?

Maybe we are afraid that we need to open our hearts and be vulnerable...

which is a lot more scary than to keep on our masks and pretend we don't care.

Of course I have desires and goals that I pursue,

but it's coming from a place of "I am whole as I am"

instead of "I am not enough and therefore I need to fill this hole".

The more I relax into the way things are,

the more I come to understand

who I'm really doing this for...

Surrendering can be as simple as putting down my weapons when someone shows up ready for competition. Competition and comparing is a friction power game I don't need to take part in because if I would, it would mean I have a need to prove myself worthy or better than someone else. I don't need to prove myself to anyone. Not even to the people who disapprove of me. Of course, I still do my best in everything I take on. I still show up fully committed and present in my work and in my relationships. And yes, I am ready to admit if I'm wrong and to grow from it. But if someone still turns around and finds something to criticise me on, it's on them.

The Bridge, Spitzkoppe, Namibia

The same goes for clients. There's a fine line between putting myself out there in a truthful, authentic way so that people can see who I am and what I do without trying to persuade them that I'm good enough for them. That's not necessary. If they didn't resonate with me when they learnt about me, they weren't meant to be my customer. So I let them go. Knowing that not everyone is my customer, not everyone is my friend and not everyone is meant to walk a path with me, brings me so much comfort and calm. I can relax into the knowing that once I have done my best, the Universe will take care of the rest.

Spitzkoppe Rock Pools, Namibia